Watching Myself and Krishnamurti – Part Four

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This post is really a coat-hanger for five new sketches of K, done in rather a rush.  They are not very good likenesses. Drawing is friendship.  I wanted to be in touch with him as a child, and when very old.  The merit is in the journey rather than the result! – or as someone used to say – “it is better to travel in hope, than to arrive too safely.”

It is a pity when I spend time poring over forums on internet about the wordpress glitch … like a dull desk job – instead of sprinkling my garden with illumining thoughts of Krishnamurti or Alchemy.

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Tarot Arcanum 19 - Children of the Sun

Tarot Arcanum 19 – Children of the Sun

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The everyday mind is not concerned with beauty and illumination and peace, my mind is concerned entirely with her own stress and need to resolve.  This is the root of separateness and therefore un-sanity.  By “mind”, I should say my personal Yesod-Moon and her path with Hod-Mercury.  It is potentially those Children of the Sun, but delivers dreary chatter – unbelievably dense and tedious for the Magid.   The dreary pull is through fear, insecurity, anger and all the me-centered primitive emotions.  They are the office with no language.

It is not fair to demonise my mind, because it is a perfectly functioning tool.   So personal ego is lured into boring technical paragraphs.   This is the state of us mostly! It is easy to fall into the default, with any tug of desire and fear on the string.

It is irrelevant and wrong, to judge my person-ego/small mind.  Krishnamurti’s observation of what is going on, dispassionately and with keen interest, is the Buddha’s teaching, but to many it came spanking fresh and un-named.  It had no scriptural trappings or requirements.   We watch and see, right inside life and whatever we are doing.

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Tao mandala, within without

Tao mandala, within without

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At the moment, K’s teaching, and the mysterious paradox of his person behind it, is the wonderful treasure of my life.   I am reading Mary Lutyens’ book – the England/Europe side of the Krishna/Rajagopal tragic quarrel.   For all the high calibre of the souls involved, and their lifelong friendships in the work, it never got bridged.   But a later generation is privileged to read about and reflect both sides of the pond.

I had a cup of tea with Mary L in the 1990s – a good chat.  She liked me because I seemed to understand about K, and she gave me a copy of the book she wrote “To be Young” – about her childhood and her love for K’s brother Nitya.

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“27 March 1994 – Dear Jane,
“Very many thanks for sending me your beautifully produced magazine with its very interesting contents.  So much expert work has gone into it, and I am sure it will be a great success.

“And thank you for the kind things you say about ‘To Be Young’.  I must confess that I feel too near the end of my life to feel drawn to any religious teaching.  I seem to be half way over to ‘the other side’, wherever it may be, and all philosophies merge into one.

“With all my best wishes – Mary.”

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K age fifteen - the dreamy teenage medium

K age fifteen – the dreamy teenage “vehicle for World Teacher”, being groomed –  a blank canvas.

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K’s teaching is Self-enquiry, expressed only just differently enough in language from Ramana’s, for linear thinkers inside boxes to argue about them.

Now then – after playing a little Mozart … Regard today’s wordpress-talktalk interface glitch OBSERVATIONALLY.   It will untangle in due course, and perhaps it already has.   Look at it, as I look at Krishnamurti and the Rajagopals … with love.   In all creative enterprises and interfaces, there are periods of faulty connection.  These lagunas get massively magnified in our self importance and our pain.

Perhaps K and R both tried to watch and see and be patient, but the pain was too great for them not to react against each other.  R was a perfectionist Virgo – it was not in his nature to abandon K’s writings and legacy he had attended to with passionate devotion for so many years.

If I watch and see and am patient with the glitch in my mind, my relating with the problem won’t waste energy and emotion into it.   It will follow it quietly, working with it when I can.   Don’t personalise the difficulty!   That turns it into paranoia – a hard fence.   Nearly EVERY TIME, things work out into their natural way, and I wasted a lot of fear and fantasy in trying to push the sides of the train.

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K at ninety

K at ninety

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Watching Krishnamurti, my path-along …

The Cube of Space.  Attention to the cube, embodies a multi dimensioned space, in thought.   It opens the breathing-room.  Thought is just as much thought when it is silent – as colour, shape and sound.   The cube in the centre of my BOTA Colour Wheel has the perfect relation of supra, self and sub consciousness – (yellow, red, blue), turned over to the right, or westward.   The wheel itself has the Zodiac sign/house colours in perfect order.  The planets travel leftward.  The wheel rotates to the right.   This is indicated by the colour shapes.   It is a beautiful and clever design.

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Builders of the Adytum - Colour Wheel

Builders of the Adytum – Colour Wheel

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Attention to the cube of space widens my room inside, and produces its living depth-points.   With this factor, I can be sane in any situation.

Sanity is serenity.   The opposite of serenity is always false somewhere – a flat billboard inciting unrest and revolt.  Walk towards the rising Inner Sun which each problem masks.

The serenity has a note – it might be A (Saturn, indigo).   Try the pitch-pipe – it’s not, it is B, which is magenta red-violet, Pisces, Key 18.   I think I had a “violet” feeling.   But Key 18 The Moon is a portal;  it illustrates embodiment and the long path through our dreams, to Reality.

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Tarot Arcanum 18 - The Moon (landscape)

Tarot Arcanum 18 – The Moon (landscape)

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In this Key landscape, the Moon-profile overhead is flat, like a cartoon, and as we do our walking through the Yods and into the hills beyond the gate, the Face fills out with the depth and mystery of life – the Cube – and I discover my beloved preceptor in my Self.

Walk towards the Sun.  It is Sun and Moon in alchemy.

The laws of growth turn both ways, in the Wheel of Life, and in Eliphas Levi’s Pentacles. Planet rotates:   stars and planets “move” in the opposite direction, across the Zodiac ecliptic band to meet the rising Sun wherever it is.   Little babies are born.

Mr K. is such a funny looking old person with his enormous eyes and white hair brushed the wrong way, and his deep wrinkles and soft smile.  To children, he is a treat.  He never fails to ham up an elfin Astonishment when they prank him. When he was very old, he became a little blurred and sweet, but his voice was as fierce and passionate as ever.   He shrunk to child-size, very thin.   It is extraordinary to think of the three little Krishna-Rosalinds who might have been.   Where did that soul lodge, I wonder?  S/he couldn’t get through their door – once s/he was miscarried into a field somewhere near Los Angeles – but was persistent … and will have found a contingent parental arch for the destiny, and is living and dying somewhere.

We are all connected:  none of us operate in isolation;  it isn’t “me”.  When I write my blog and put up my art, I share a huge platform and its activity around gremlins.  It is mine host, with troubles of his own.   I see clearly the particles en masse, in the wave and in the weather, and the shared mind:  the psychology.   Another view of this, is the Surveillance culture which in its crude infancy, acknowledges we are all interlinked, and cannot ignore it.  Eventually – very eventually – the higher Humanity begins to hatch its own contagion among the droppings and the mess and the mixture of good and evil.   Here I keep going.  So do you.

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E.Levi pentacle

E.Levi pentacle

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The human condition cannot be solved, but it is heard.   Revolution is where all the fuss about it stops.   The mind-train with its incessant wheel-go-round importance stops, baffled and disabled.   Then there is the silence, the silence of the lambs and doves, where life falls into place beyond any plan.   Re-source rises like a well.  Beyond solution, beyond Masters, beyond the human Plan, beyond fix or advice:   here it companions itSelf.

Here dawns an insight each day: miraculous cosmic alignments in the oracle do not generate a ‘happy’ and problem free life.   Life is what it is.  The alignment means that whatever is going on, is expressed without restriction or artificiality.

I have a close friend who feels ill.  We share this problem as life, as the landscape provided.   The more I realise this, the less tension I have with it.

It is infantile to expect enlightenment to cancel problems.   They increase.  The Great Work increases the exposure and response-ability.   The Great Work of alchemy settles not in ashrams but in hardship zones, such as the present period in human history.

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Coil

Coil

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In “Lives in the Shadow with Krishnamurti”, Radha Rajagopal Sloss wrote:

“We all felt his quiet observation of us, and in part returned it.  He had often said that to help someone with a problem, all you had to do was understand it without judgment, to see it clearly, and in time this understanding would be transmitted to the other person.

“His non-verbal self was at its best in such circumstances.  To have had the opportunity to experience that directly, was worth a hundred of his lectures.”

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K with Rosalind in Ohai, 1935

K with Rosalind in Ohai, 1935

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In Commentaries on Living, he says:  “You can be converted from one belief to another, from one dogma to another, but you cannot be converted to the understanding of reality. Belief is not reality.  … …  If you have an experience unexpectedly, spontaneously, and build further experience upon the first, then experience is merely a continuation of memory which responds to contact with the present. Memory is always dead, coming to life only in contact with the living Present.”

Since my teens, I am deeply frustrated by somehow intuiting this, yet unable to change the way the engine turns.   It makes me a dogmatic idiot;  it makes me fall on my nose.  But I love that amazing image of dead memory combusting with the living Present.  It is like a dream I once had about living white sunflowers, who thrived on eating the dead ones:  a blue light ray played around the miracle.

Mary Lutyen’s book ends near the end of his life, with a sublime chapter, much of it in his words.

“K said, ‘We are trying with our minds to touch that.  Try to find out what that is when your mind is completely quiet … You might be able to find out, because you are writing about it.  If you and Maria (Zimbalist) sat down and said, ‘let us enquire’, I’m pretty sure you could find out.  Or do it alone. 

‘I see something:  what I said is true – I can never find out.  Water can never find out what water is … Can you feel it in the room?  It is getting stronger and stronger.  My head is starting.  If you asked the question and said, ‘I don’t know’, you might find it.  If I was writing it, I would state all this.  I would begin with the boy completely vacant.’

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K at five years old

K at five years old

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“He would never get outside;  he would never know what he was, he would never see how transfigured his face became in special inspiration or revelation. Could I find out for him?  He had told us it was possible, told us to try to find out, whereas in 1972 he had said that no one could ever understand – that it was something ‘much too vast to be put into words.’

(He said) ‘There is a tremendous reservoir, which if the human mind can touch it, reveals something which no intellectual mythology – invention, supposition, dogma – can ever reveal. 

‘I am not making a mystery of it – that would be a stupid, childish trick.  Creating a mystery out of nothing would be a most blackguardedly thing to do, because that would be exploiting people and ruthless – that’s a dirty trick.  

‘Either one creates a mystery when there isn’t one, or there is a mystery which you have to approach with extraordinary delicacy and hesitancy and you know, tentativeness.  And the conscious mind can’t do this.  It is there, but you cannot come to it, you cannot invite it, it’s not progressive achievement.  There IS something, but the brain can’t understand it.’

‘I suffer, and the mind is doing everything it can to run away from it.  When it does not run away, then it observes.  Then the observer, if it observes very closely, is the observed, and that very pain is transformed into passion, which is compassion.  The words are not the reality.  So don’t escape from suffering, which does not mean you become morbid.  Live with it.  You live with pleasure, don’t you?  Why don’t you live with suffering completely?  Can you live with it in the sense of not escaping from it?  What takes place?   Watch.  The mind is very clear, sharp.  It is faced with the fact.  From that arises a mind that can never be hurt.  Full stop.  That is the secret.’

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last talks at Saanen

last talks at Saanen

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For other posts on K, see Krishnamurti & the Coastal Path, under Categories in the sidebar.

My adventure invites fellow travellers.  I am a poet, an artist and a seer.  I welcome conversation among the PHILO SOFIA, the lovers of wisdom.

Aquariel link

All art and creative writing in this blog is copyright (c) Janeadamsart 2012/2013.  May not be used for commercial purposes.  May be used and shared for non-commercial means with credit to Jane Adams and a link to the web address https://janeadamsart.wordpress.com

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